It’s been a while since I wrote a blog, but today was one of those days where I rolled out of bed with a little extra assholicness in my blood.   The alarm was beeping, the cat was meowing, the sun was coming through my blinds, and I just decided that I was going to be in an angry mood today.

In this blog I will discuss:

Having two jobs and why it sucks.
Michael Vick
Stupid things people say
Pregnant women
Homeless People
Money
President Obama
Jesus Freaks / Idiots
New movies coming out
and exactly what I have been up to recently.

I’ll start off with why having two jobs sucks balls.  First, let me say that I loved working in a video store back when I was in High School and college.  So a couple of months ago, when my job at the charity I work for cut my hours, I decided the best course of action would be to get a second job to suppliment my income….so I got a job at a video store.

It’s a really retro video store, where they actually still rent and sell a large number of VHS tapes, to go along with DVD and Blu Ray.  Most of their business, as I have discovered, comes from selling porn DVDs to perverts who obviously have never heard of the internet.   Working in the store is actually kind of a cool job.   I don’t really have to do very much and spend most of my time watching movies or sitting on my ass texting people.   The problem is that when combined with a real 9-5 job, working 5 hours a night in retail kind of sucks dick.   The first hour is brings on a “I should have called out, I want to go home and lay down” mood.  The second hour is more about “almost half-way done with my shift, let me find a long enough movie to watch for the next 3 hours.”   The third hour is when your back starts to hurt, and your feet start to ache.   In the fourth hour you start to calculate the financial consequenses of quitting.   In the 5th hour, you start to dread the closing duties, such as counting down the registers and filling out all the paperwork.   It sucks and I am too good for it.

I took the job not realizing that I would get a better fulltime offer from a new job within days….so now I have the luxury of being able to quit the video store whenever I want, but just out of a sense of duty, I will stick it out for another month or so, just because I don’t want to be that guy who works somewhere for three weeks.

Meanwhile, I am in the last day and a half of the worst job I have ever had, working for a charity.   The pay is shit, the people are pretentious social workers who think they are making a difference, and I have no windows in my office….so I have no idea if it is actually raining shit on my life, like I feel it is.    But as of tomorrow at 1pm, I will be a memory for this place… WOO HOO!

Michael Vick

Michael Vick is just a complete piece of shit.  Everyone is debating whether or not they should let him play football again, but that isn’t really what they should be arguing.   They should be debating whether or not they let him breathing the air on this planet.   I would prefer to see him launched into the sun, but that’s just me.

Stupid things people say

This morning my boss said to the girl in the office next to me “How was the funeral?”

Really?

How does anyone answer that question?   “Ohhh it was awesome.  He climbed out of the casket and did the thriller dance.”  or “He hadn’t really rotted very much yet, and the smell was tolerable, so I’d say it was successful!”

Instead, she answered like I thought she would answer:  “It was a wonderful service.”   Really?  I am sure the guy in the casket didn’t think it was so wonderful.  Actually, he probably didn’t think much of anything, because more than likely he has been blanked out of existance compeltely and is no longer a centiant being.    How can a funeral be wonderful?  Unless you’re a morbid creep, funerals suck.  They always suck, unless you’re happy the person died.

Pregnancy

Every goddamn woman in my office is pregnant (and no, it wasn’t my fault).   I cannot stand pregnant women and how much they talk about their cervix.    If I came into this office and talked about my sperm count, or my prostate, or something along those lines…these stupid women would tattle on me and try to make my life a living hell….but I have to listen to them talk about their cervixes and all sorts of other gross shit.

New Rule: If you are more than 1 month pregnant, you must have your face ducttaped shut.

Money

So the economy seems to be improving, which is awesome for me because right now I don’t have any money.   I am starting a new job on monday which will pay pretty well, and I have two roommates who theoretically will be paying my mortgage for me as I accumulate bankroll.

You know how you are doing well?  When you are drinking gatorade.  You never see a homeless man drinking gatorade.

Obama

I fought hard for Obama, and really wanted him to get into office and make a difference….but I must admit, the members of his own party are cockblocking right now.   The problem with healthcare and with the healthcare bill is that the insurance companies still get to play a role at all.   We need to nationalize the insurance companies and do some sort of thing that switches what their job actually is, because needing insurance is stupid.    If people are sick, they should be able to go to the doctors office, pay a flat fee of like 25 dollars and get healed.  Maybe 5 bucks per medication as well.    Figure it out Cheif.

Jesus Freaks

Last but not least, I must get to the Jesus freaks.   Why do people believe in this shit?  Why do people get so obsessed with an idea that doesn’t have a shred of proof to back it up.

People say, “well I don’t need proof…sometimes you just have to believe.”

Wrong.  When making an extraordinary claim, you must have proof or at least some evidence if you don’t want to sound like an idiot.   I could tell you that I have a dragon living in my closet, and you would say “prove it.”  I could just come back and say “you can’t prove it isn’t there” and it would be the same argument that people make for Jesus and all those other religions.

People, quit wasting your time.  Trust me, you are here for a very short time….so do your best not to murder people and hope for the best, like I do.

You are just too cute to be this damn mean. I mean WTF? Pregnant women? Homeless? gah!!!

Comment by sweetiegirlz July 29, 2009 @ 11:56 pm

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